Wednesday, 23 October 2013
If appliances could talk........
Do you think very much about your appliances when you buy your washing machine from the store, or when you buy your fridge-freezer online? Did you think about how it will fit in with your family?
Our appliances are such a central part of our lives, it’s almost like sometimes they ARE family. I think all appliances should have little smiley faces on them like the vacuum. Mind you, one thing I am grateful for is that they can’t talk!
For a start, what would my oven say to me? Would it ask me why I am having a constant affair with the microwave? Does it inwardly question my menu choices, or critique my cooking ability? Would it ask why I was doing frozen pies again, or beg me to clean its wire trays more often?
My fridge-freezer may rue that its handle is broken – the result of Trouble Two tugging on it too hard - though it also might express gratitude that we rescued it from neglect when its previous owners moved house and didn’t have room for it in their new place. I wonder if it likes having little things stuck all over its front – school newsletters, photos from day trips, supermarket coupons, and other items that signify its status as a family fridge-freezer. I wonder if it hankers after the life of its counterparts in single-person households, or quite enjoys being stuffed with jars of jam, chocolate bars, and cartons of fruit juice perfect for packed lunches.
My washing machine would probably shout at me. It’s very busy, as you can imagine. It would get angry and demand a holiday, or freedom from slavery. It would, if it ever got chance. Its mouth is always full. Instead it whirrs angrily at me. Usually during the spin cycle.
My steamer would demand an apology. I got cross with Trouble Two at tea-time yesterday and dropped one of the baskets, which is now broken. Oops. I would be in BIG trouble with that one.
The toaster – ahh, the toaster. Being a Red Dwarf fan, I am glad our toaster cannot talk. If you don’t know the reference on this then be gone with you! Crumpet?
The tumble dryer, I imagine, is quite a happy fellow. He does his thing in the winter and then pretty much gets all summer off. He has to put up with the occasional spillage from the diners at the table, but otherwise he’s cool with it all. He’s probably got a hipster voice, and only speaks when spoken to. I don’t know why I think the tumble dryer should be a he, but he is.
The slow cooker has an old lady voice. She spends most of her days at the back of the darkest kitchen cupboard and is wheeled out whenever I get a busy day and she reliably does her thing without grumbling. She’s also very old, being a hand-me-down from the mother-in-law. Her lid went missing some time ago so we got her a new one that fits but is not very co-ordinated. It’s nice and shiny, and it looks a bit out of place. Would she whine about it? Probably. The whinging old bag.
The dishwasher would be a chatty sort, I imagine. It’d complain a lot about me putting egg covered bowls in, and not washing the food entirely off the plates before loading them, but it does get the best dishwashing tablets we can buy (on a buy-one-get-one-free!). Mainly though, it’d shout at the twins for fiddling with its buttons and dial. They are obsessed with it. To be honest, I think most of my appliances would have something to say about the twins.
If the appliances ever had a group discussion, do you think they’d be complimentary about my domestic talents? Do they even like me? Do they think I need to get out of the house a bit more often?
What do you think? If your appliances could talk, what would they say?
Disclosure – this is a sponsored post