Review: Doggie Doo.

We have had the game Doggie Doo since Trouble Two's birthday in October. Her fun but childish uncle bought it for her as she knew she'd love it. And she does. She think's it's ace. She's fascinated with bodily functions and this is right up her street.

However, I assume that my brother bought it because, as much as he loves my children, he still has issues from our childhood which he feels he needs to avenge. 

Aw, but he's so cute. Look at his puppy eyes!

The basic premise is that there is a plastic dog. You 'feed' the dog with a 'biscuit' cut from the goo provided. You insert the bone into its mouth (which provides an airtight seal), and pump the lead. The game works by throwing a dice and pumping the required amount of pumps (if you get a number) or using tactics like 'stealing' from someone else. After an amount of pumps - I reckon it's about 20 - a 'doo' comes out of the back end of the dog on to someone's coloured pooper-scooper. The first person to get to a set number of doos on their scoop is the winner. Simple, right?

The things is, there are no winners here. The game takes forever. Have you any idea how many times the dice needs to be thrown in order to move the poop down fast enough to entertain a five-year old? And that's when it works properly. It rarely works properly. I have spent an inordinate amount of time over the last few weeks either taking the bone out and blowing down the mouth to un-jam it, using a BBQ skewer up it's 'arse' to try and tease the goo out from the other end, or (and I'm not proud of this) both at the same time. You don't need pics.

If you buy this game for your own kids, get used to this view

The instructions say that if the doggie gets bunged up, you are to feed it another 'biscuit' and this usually does the trick. Sometimes it does, yes. The rest of the time it just means you have to get twice as much doo out (see blowing and skewering above). 

It makes the most God-awful farting noises. If the air-tight seal is working, it makes a 'pppprrrrrpppp' noise which gets progressively higher in tone with every squeeze. If the air-tight seal isn't working - which is usually the case - it makes a 'ppppfffffftttttt' noise. Trouble One refuses to play Doggie Doo as it makes her visibly retch. 

Right now, we have run out of goo as most of it has been dropped on the carpet and got covered in fluff, or been stuck in the dog for that long, it's gone hard. The game is now banned and, once the children have forgotten about it, will be filed.

If you want to buy it, feel free, there is a link below. This 'gift' is ideal for the children of people who you don't like. It truly is dog shit. The best outcome all round is if Doggie Doo is extinguished in some pooper-scooper related 'incident'. 

Forget Santa's workshop, this bugger is from Satan's workshop.